Sh*t my dog eats.

I have a 15 month old English Golden Retriever named Bodhe. He is my My Boo Bear, my Monster, also known as “Hey A$$hole” (my husband’s usual choice), or the Furry Garbage Can. He is my little Prince Joffrey, if you will.* He is our pride and joy and our weapon of mass destruction. My boy has a special talent of destroying the evidence of his kills by ingesting it. All of it.

This includes the squeaker, the stuffing,  the thread, the buttons, and even the fuzzy outer shell. My house is a virtual graveyard of dog toys from Christmas’ past.  

“This toy is a 10 on the dog-proof toy scale!”

“Oh really?” I say to the apparent heir to Cesar Milan’s dynasty at my local pet supply, “Because the last indestructible toy was drawn, quartered and gutted in the time it took me to throw out the packaging!”

Yeah, so until the thing is actually Honey Badger proof, I am going to stick with the rope toy from Target’s dollar bin.

Bodhe is a medieval master of dismemberment, and it truly is a site to behold. Unlike my little Eskimo dog Tahoe, he has no strategy or finesse. Tahoe is the surgeon and Bodhe, the savage.  He tears at his prey with the same tenacity of a kid opening the biggest present under the Christmas Tree. All while happily swallowing the evidence only to show up 24 hours later in the front yard as poop art.

List of conquests:

  1. Two dog beds- and one hanging on for dear life by duct tape.
  2. Tuffy Dog (a #9 out of 10 on the indestructible scale) shark, and Ring. Both were destroyed within one hour.
  3. Single-doggedly committed  a genocide of the menagerie of plush toys, including all of Tahoe’s.
  4. 3 hair clips and countless hair ties
  5. A kitchen “chip clip” which was discovered as a large chunk of bright blue plastic in his poop art.
  6. 2 refrigerator magnets (what kind of creature actually eats magnets anyway?)
  7. A battery…yes, A BATTERY!
  8. An ink pen
  9. Book of matches (this morning’s conquest while I took a 3 min shower)
  10. One tube of Blistex, two Zambeezi lip balms and a $15 tube of Muriad lip gloss
  11. A partially identified beloved Christmas ornament
  12. Two welcome mats and the underside of the living room rug
  13. What can only be described as ” The entire bulb of garlic incident”.
  14. A Keirig K Cup of Medium roast coffee followed by the longest night of our lives.
  15. A kitchen corner full of spackling compound to replace the original corner that he ate in the first place)
  16. An entire roll of toilet paper
  17. Cement-like mud that had to be hand scraped off the roof of his mouth while on a hike.
  18. All the leaves that fell of our 2 front yard trees this fall…and I mean every single one of them.
  19. Various important shopping receipts and the reason I still possess a really stinky lotion from Bath & Body Works.
  20. A pair of apple ear buds
  21. Approximately 10 – 40 pairs of socks. Is there a blood test to detect toxic levels of cotton available?

    But who’s counting right?

    He is never to be trusted. Ever. He spends any unsupervised time in a fortress of metal with two locks to contain his thirst for search and destroy missions. Our game plan to avoid these ingestions includes a daily full security sweep of the house for any suspicious items that would make the secret service look like Keystone Cops. Somehow he always finds a nugget either in the form of a discarded cotton swab or paper clip.

    My hope is that one day he will outgrow this obsession and get a hobby like vacuuming (is there a scholarship out there for ultimate fetch?) In the mean time, I would suggest buying stock in a Gold Toe brand socks because I’m predicting a major spike in sales this second quarter.

    hey bodhe

* this will make total sense to any Game of Thrones fan.

>

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Sh*t my dog eats.

      • Was wondering if I could share this? If so, could would you like to use your name? Re-blogging isn’t very visually pleasing on my site so, just let me know. I would like to add a photo and your name, unless you wish to remain anonymous. Wish I had time to write this well.

  1. Pingback: What is the craziest thing your golden retriever has eaten? | The Daily Golden

  2. Love this post and can totally relate. My dog Lucy used to be like this. There is still hope. For the first two years she ate everything that wasn’t tied down. We loved her but tore our hair. Everyone said give her lots of dog toys – she demolished thousands of them. Now that she’s two she seems to be slowing down. Thanks you Jesus. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
    (I hate to say this but I once read someone’s blog post about a dog that had choked on the unravelled strands of a doggie rope toy. Just so you know.)

    • Thank you for reading and replying! Glad you liked it. I am living in constant fear of him choking or ingesting something that will have us rushing to the Vet’s office! Luckily the only thing he hasn’t managed is unraveling the rope toys! But of course the moment he does it will be thrown away! He is never left alone with anything other than his denta bone for hard chewers. It’s going to be a long road…but worth it. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s