Open Letter to the Brain Trust of Direct TV Ad Execs

This is what I get for thinking Jaime Lannister is hot isn't it?

This is what I get for thinking Jaime Lannister is hot isn’t it?

Dear mouth breathers at Direct TV’s ad agency-

Your puppet commercials are not only creepy but they are less funny than the total opposite of funny.  They incite fits of rage in my house every time they are on, and they are on ALL. THE. TIME. The idea of “strings” on puppets being related to cable wires is the longest reach of trying to be clever in the long  history of  bad advertising.

My husband and I take turns hurling expletives and death threats at your general direction every time we see one of your puppets pretending to give a crap about their “wires” when they should be caring about the gathering lynch mob of firewood collectors coming for their highly flammable limbs!   If it wasn’t for the free Paladia and HBO you are currently giving me I would be wishing for a large sink hole to open up and suck your headquarters down into the earth’s hot liquid molten core. 

EVEN MY DOGS HATE YOUR STUPID COMMERCIALS AND THEY LOVE OTHER DOG’S BUTT HOLES! SO YES, I AM BASICALLY SAYING THAT DOG BUTT HOLES ARE BETTER THAN YOUR COMMERCIALS!


Am I yelling? Because I REALLY feel like I might be yelling.

So much hate,

Everybody and their dogs too

 

P.S. Congratulations, even other puppets hate you… yeah that’s right, even that adorable little PINOCCHIO thinks you should eat a D*ck!

 

P.P.S. Oh and can you go back to those Genie commercials? Because those were awesome. Just a little suggestion for the box.

 

*end of rant*

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6 thoughts on “Open Letter to the Brain Trust of Direct TV Ad Execs

  1. Agreed…just about everyone I know hates them, too, and the one featured in the .gif you posted is the worst of the lot. I probably spent a good thirty seconds after I saw it for the first time just staring at the TV, wondering WTF I just saw.

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